I seriously just almost drowned myself on a gulp of water. I was walking up the stairs to my office and apparently forgot how to swallow, because after taking a sip of water I immediately started coughing so hard that the water went UP MY NOSE and I felt like I had just done a cannonball in a pool without holding my schnoz closed. And then when I managed to get to my desk, I coughed some more and there were little black stars all around my eyes and my head hurt.
And now? Now I’m fine. I am also covered in spittle laced water because I’m obviously six months old. I blame the water. Dr. Pepper has never done this to me and if I wasn’t drinking so much damn water for Operation: Fit Back Into Bitten Dress then I probably wouldn’t have almost drowned.
Speaking of Operation: Fit Back Into Bitten Dress, let’s… speak of it.
David and I have been together for two years and we got together, I was wearing a size 4/6. I was supremely happy in my body because it had been a long time coming. I had started going to the gym and eating better in early 2009 and by the time David and I got together in 2010, I had literally dropped about 20lbs (I could’ve dropped it a lot faster if I didn’t still indulge but HEY WHATEVER).
And now? Now… I do not wear a size 4/6. And while size and pounds aren’t what really matters in the grand scheme of things, the ol’ cliche does: You have to feel good about yourself. And right now? I just kind of don’t. I mean, I don’t grimace when I look in the mirror unless I’m sitting down and I’m wearing ill fitting jeans (which are ALL OF THEM). I don’t lay awake at night hating my body or anything. I just want to feel good again. And I want to not get cranky and irritated and sleepy at 8:00 because I ate a bunch of junk all day.
So! Rather than give myself a “weight goal” or a “size goal” (because every damn store has a different sizing chart apparently), I’m giving myself a “fit into that strapless dress you love so damn much again”.
I wore it a bunch last year which tells me that all of that country cooking David has introduced me to finally took over. It’s a gorgeous dress that his sister handed down to me and it’s from Sarah Jessica Parker’s now defunct Bitten line. It’s strapless and it’s the perfect knee length. It’s a really pretty floral pattern and is this exact desing except blue instead of yellow with silver & white leaves. And I love it. So so much. And I want to wear it again, damn.
Also, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but I’m getting married in less than six months. And I want to be in tip top, happy, healthy shape by then. SO. Accidental drownings or not, I guess I’ll keep on chugging the water.
I will also keep indulging a bit because last night, we went to the Braves game with Amanda & Stew and I ate a slice of pizza, a little plastic helmet of chocolate Dippin’ Dots and about 72 beers. And no, I don’t feel the least bit guilty. I shall indulge and then I shall forget about it and carry on with the water. And the fruit. And the salads.
OH! And I also gave myself a “rewards” plan. Basically, if I continue to eat healthy and move my ass in some form or fashion, I’m allowed to buy myself one small thing like a pair of earrings or a new Kindle cover or whatever. And I know it sounds like the dumbest shit ever, but I have my eye on these earrings and if I have to eat nothing but grapes and Laughing Cow cheese for the next five days to get them THEN BY GOD I WILL.
…this entry is so jumbled.