Have you guys heard of this website So, How Was Your Day? It’s a look into several different “muses” and what their day looks like. They say what they ate, describe their day in three different areas (morning, noon, night) and then answer three random questions the site’s curator asks. It’s totally inspiring and so much fun in a “OMG I LOVE READING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES” kind of way, especially when you have no idea who they are. I am obsessed with it and have spent much of my day flipping back through the archives and being all holy shit, I am the laziest sack of person EVER. Most of these interviews motivate the hell out of me, but I have to admit that every one of them also makes me scream ARE YOU A ROBOT WHAT THE EFFING EF.

I’m sorry, but does every successful person have to eat either a) SOMETHING I CAN’T PRONOUNCE or b) all natural vegan green tea honey bee pollen extract that I just slather all over my skin instead of drinking so it can soak right into my pores I AM PETER PAN AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER.

Ahem.

Here is a sampling of the interviewees meals:

Breakfast: Cappuccino.
Lunch: Wheat Thins. Hummus. Cucumber slices and cheddar. A few pieces of pineapple.
Dinner: Hot toddy. Greens with Asian pear, toasted hazelnuts, and rice wine vinaigrette. Grilled pork chop. Sautéed kale. Polenta. Cowboy cookies from Baked Explorations.

Breakfast: Kefir. Honeycrisp apple. Nugget of Panda Express orange chicken.
Lunch: Sicilian blood orange green tea. Curried turkey salad with greens, carrots, red pepper and raisins plumped in Blis sherry vinegar and Co-op mole hot sauce.
Dinner: A glass of Aglianico. Duck rillettes on warm baguette. Dante cheese with curried carrot puree and pepitas. Ham with grainy mustard and Raclette. Toasted brioche with cauliflower and Emmentaler Mornay sauce.

Breakfast: Egg white spinach omelet with avocado & salsa verde. Bacon. Breakfast potatoes. OJ. Coffee.
Lunch: Al pastor taco with poblano, queso fresco, cilantro, and onion. Barbacoa taco.
Dinner: Small plates with wine pairings – Beets with chevre, pistachio, fennel, grilled greens. Grilled asparagus with parmesan fritters and pickled oyster mushrooms. Scrambled egg with grilled broccoli, goat feta, pine nuts. Pork belly with carrots, lavender, pumpkin seeds. Green garlic and shiitake mushroom risotto. Scallops with brussel sprouts, sweet potato puree, peanut, grapefruit. Grilled chicken with smoked leg hush puppy, egg yolk, rutabaga. Coffee-rubbed brisket, barbecued beans, slaw. Cornmeal short cake with rhubarb, strawberry, creme fraiche.

…

WHAT.

Look, I have to admit that if I ever did one of these “day in the life” things, I would purposely have the busiest, most driven and ambitious day ever along with every fancy meal I could think of just because. Is that what these people did? Did they decide to drain their bank accounts for the day so they could have the LONGEST DINNER EVER? It reminds me of that episode of “I Love Lucy” where a reporter comes to capture a day in the life of the Ricardos and they go insane with preparations. Lucy dresses up like she’s going out to a ball to cook breakfast and wears a delicate lace apron to serve eggs benedict instead of her normal toast and bacon to create the illusion of this bigger, better, grander life. Is that what these people are doing on So, How Was Your Day? Trying to be super impressive? Or do they all have personal chefs, assistants, house maids, etc.?

I’m so inspired by the site, so inspired by the creativity oozing out of every interview, but it also makes me feel like a total dump. How do they do it all? How do they create these elaborate meals, work out every morning, suck on green tea throughout the day and work work work without succumbing to the siren call of “Roseanne” marathons and a can of Chef Boyardee? HOW?

Here, let’s pretend like I’m on a “So, How Was Your Day?” interview, okay? Okay.

Breakfast: day old coffee heated up in the microwave with Wal-Mart brand non-dairy powdered creamer, strawberry & banana smoothie whipped up in blender that is leaking and still has smoothie remnants from earlier this week caught under the plastic of the jug because I can’t get the damn thing to untwist.

Lunch: tuna with chopped green bell peppers, mustard and relish inside big ol’ hunks of lettuce… and then doused with Wal-Mart brand spicy ranch salad dressing

Snack: more day old coffee with powdered creamer and one Ghirardelli chocolate & caramel square from my Valentine because we totally celebrated it yesterday with chocolate and roses so TAKE THAT, HIPSTERS

Dinner: have not had yet, but probably leftovers because I cleaned out the fridge today and threw away a lot of “almost moldy food” because I always make too much and we never eat it again. I did, however, compost all of it so YAY POINT FOR SAM.

Morning: Woke up with my dog scratching at my face and whining because she had to pee. Throw on robe, walk her outside and let her do her business before feeding her a bowl of Pedigree Puppy dry food (That I did not organically harvest). Come back in, spend the next thirty minutes repinning everything I see on Pinterest. Decide to go for a walk in our woods, so I put on an old UGA tshirt, a hoodie that’s a size too small for me and brown leggings under my black yoga pants so the squirrel don’t see my butt through the holes. Walk through our woods and up and down our street twice while listening to the Disney Pandora station. In total, I walk almost three miles. Come back in and yell at dog for pulling out trash again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. DAMN YOU, PENNY.

Afternoon: Unload dishwasher and then reload it with all the stinky Tupperware from my “clean out the fridge” adventure. Sit down a dozen times to try and write, but get distracted by either a) the dog, b) my Valentine’s Day chocolate or c) my lack of talent because ALL OF THIS SUCKS and I’ll never be able to write again EVER. Must medicate with chocolate. Watch an episode of “Full House”. Marvel at John Stamos. Watch some “Roseanne”. Refresh Facebook. Why isn’t anyone posting anything? Are they too busy being PRODUCTIVE? Send off a writing invoice. YAY. I did some work. Clean up puppy pee. Talk to my sister on the phone, make plans to bum around Target on Monday. Watch the video “Ghetto Mom gets Tased by Security Guard” she sent me because the mom has a kindergartner in my sister’s school. Read every single interview on So, How Was Your Day? Feel all snarky. Write this blog post. Hear dog in trash. Scream from across the house and hear her stop (Ah, victory). Then watch her walk past the door with a styrofoam plate in her mouth.

Evening: Not here yet… but I can promise you I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.

You’re totally motivated now, right? Tomorrow, I will have a day worthy of “So, How Was Your Day?”

Although if you ask me, it’s just another day in paradise.

Anyone want to ask me three random questions? Time for all you lurkers to de-lurk, I say. I KNOW YOU’RE HERE. I’ve got site stats, yo. I see you come every day and I’d love to know who’s out there.

I know. I never comment on other blogs either. Too busy watching 90s sitcom reruns.